New: Full Victim Impact Statement From Jane Doe #3, Chrissie Carnell Bixler, In Danny Masterson Trial

Chrissie Carnell Bixler was repeatedly told by Scientology officials and others in Masterson's circle that he couldn't have raped her because they were in a romantic relationship.

I apologize for sending two emails on the same night; I wanted these powerful victim-impact statements from the women who survived Danny Masterson to stand alone. 

Earlier this evening, I published the full victim impact statement of Jane Doe #1, aka Jen B, one of the women who celebrity Scientologist Danny Masterson was convicted of raping. 

In this story, I am publishing the complete impact statement of Jane Doe #3, Chrissie Carnell Bixler. Masterson was charged with raping Chrissie, who dated and lived with him for six years. 

You may recognize Chrissie’s name as she has been posting her reaction on her Instagram account to Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis’ decision to write a character letter on behalf of Masterson.

Like Jen B, I have known Chrissie for six years and spent hundreds of hours talking on the phone with her. 

Over the years, I have spoken to hundreds of women who were survivors of sexual violence. The stories of the women who survived Masterson are among the most harrowing and credible. 

In 2017, as part of my reporting on the allegations against Masterson, I obtained an audio file of a phone call taped between Jen B and Danny Masterson’s publicist Jenni Weinman. 

In the phone call, Weinman pushed back on the idea that Masterson could have raped Chrissie because they were in a romantic relationship. Horrifying.

Weinman, who is not a Scientologist, was one of the people to write a character letter to the judge on behalf of Masterson. 

Listen to the phone call here.

Here is Chrissie Carnell Bixler’s full statement without any edits:

Dear Honorable Judge Olmedo,

Before I begin, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me the freedom of choice to use my voice today. You will never know how much this means to me, and my hope is that it helps me in my healing. Thank you, your Honor.

I understand that, for many, it’s difficult to believe that anyone would stay in a relationship like the one I was in with Danny Masterson. That difficulty was at the forefront of my mind when I spoke to detectives. It was at the forefront of my mind when I spoke to prosecutors. And it’s at the forefront of my mind as I stand here today. How can I tell anyone that I had gotten myself in a situation where I was regularly mentally and emotionally abused, and raped repeatedly?

That’s partly why I focused on the one rape that I reported to Scientology. Certainly, I answered every question that was asked of me by detectives to the best of my ability. However, there was one question I wished I had been asked that never was. One question that perhaps would make people understand. And the question I needed someone, anyone, to ask me was, “Why did you hide from Danny Masterson for over two hours in your roommate’s bedroom the day after he came to your house party?” Because there was a reason. And Mr. Masterson knows that reason, he always has.

And I know the reason for why I ultimately ignored my intuition, and forced myself to view what he did to me not as it actually was. Because Mr. Masterson was very charming. So charming, in fact, he convinced my roommates that perhaps what he had done to me the night before “wasn’t so bad.” After he left, after waiting the two hours while I hid, my roommates told me, “how sweet he is!”; “How romantic it is that this poor guy waited for you for over two hours.”; “Who does that?”; “Give him a chance! Apologize to him.” And so, I abandoned my intuition and did just that. When he called me, I apologized to him and accepted a date.

Two weeks later, I was moved in with him. I was ordered to no longer be friends with my roommates and my friend who was present that night, the night he first sexually assaulted me. The very act that made me fear him and hide. The very thing that I forced myself to view not as it actually was. For now, I saw him as someone who loved me. Someone I trusted. Someone I quickly loved back.

I entered that relationship an eighteen-year-old girl with very little life experience. I was extremely naive and trusting. I entered that relationship with friends, family, a career, money, and dreams. Within a very short period, I was stripped of every friend I knew, my family, my job, and the belief that my dreams could ever be realized, because I trusted him. I believed him when he called me stupid, untalented, embarrassing, trash. . . I believed him.

But I never stopped trying to make him proud of me. I never stopped trying to think of ways to earn his kindness. When he was kind to me, it gave me hope. It gave me promise that maybe if I can just endure, what I cannot now forgive, that maybe he could return to the person he showed me at the beginning of our relationship. I now know that was his game. The cycle of abuse. He’d hurt me. He’d ignore me. I’d grovel at his feet apologizing to him for what he did to hurt me. Then he’d show me kindness.

It’s incredibly difficult for me to talk about the trauma and abuse I’ve experienced in my life. I have realized through the last few years that the reason is Danny Masterson. Early on in our relationship, Mr. Masterson would ask me about certain traumatic things that had happened to me. He wanted all the details. In Scientology it’s called finding a person’s ruins. Mr. Masterson wanted to know anything and everything that I believed had ever ruined me. Later, once I was good and trapped, he would reenact those traumatic experiences on me.

To speak of the impact of rape for me is viewing my body as a crime scene my entire adult life and never being able to call out for help, out of fear and shame, and not wanting people to see me the way I see me. Broken. Deformed. When you’re raped, it’s not your surface that’s been most defiled. It damages you on a cellular level. I honestly still don’t even have the words to properly describe what being raped does to you. I just know the symptoms.

I’ve suffered insomnia. I would oftentimes stay awake for 24 hour periods. I hate the dark. I cannot sleep next to anyone, not even my husband. My sweet husband. I don’t know what I did to deserve such a good and decent and gentle man. Always patient and never questioning. He’s never in 14 years of marriage ever made me think he would ever harm me in any way, yet, I cannot sleep in a bed next to him. I harm myself in my sleep. I regularly wake up with deep bruises and scratches on my hands and arms. In 2017, I punched a hole in the wall behind my bed during my sleep. I’m always fighting monsters.

In 2016, after finding out I wasn’t the only victim, I had my first panic attack. I went to the emergency room because I thought I was dying. I remember forcing them to run all these tests. The Doctor came back and told me this is one of the worst panic attacks he had ever witnessed. He told me I needed to take a pill. I remember sitting there on oxygen and still not being able to breathe with my heart beating out of my chest, and I told the doctor that I couldn’t take psychiatric medication because Scientology believes psychiatry is the root cause of all evil. The doctor told me I had to take the pill. I took it and 20 minutes later my symptoms went away. I could breathe. I wasn’t having a heart attack. I wasn’t dying. I had my first panic attack.

After reporting Mr. Masterson to law enforcement, me and my family started being Fair Gamed by Scientology just as they had threatened they would back in 2002. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, general anxiety, and panic disorder. I also developed severe trichotillomania. I haven’t been diagnosed as agoraphobic but I can count on two hands the amount of times I’ve left my home in the last few years. I have physical health issues. I throw up. I started getting blinding migraines accompanied by visual auras. I go through phases where I have such severe body pains like my nerves and parts of my body are on fire.

This, and so much more, is the life sentence Mr. Masterson and Scientology have given me.

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