My mother is Nicole Brown, murdered in her own home on November 24, 2018 while in the process of divorcing, one of the most dangerous times for women. My heart bleeds for Sydney and Justin who were raised by the male that murdered their mother.
I want to offer one gentle thought that isn't from me, but is from Gavin de Becker who was a consultant for the prosecution in the murder trial and an expert on violence and abuse: referring to someone like O.J. Simpson as a 'monster' can be counterproductive. He was just a man. When we think of a murderer and abuser (or anyone else) like they are a monster, it does at least two things: 1) ignores the fact that they aren't all powerful and that they can be stopped and 2) it ignores that fact that men/people like that are PEOPLE who walk among us every day. All of us not only know a Nicole Brown, we also know an O.J. Simpson who is abusing his partner day in and day out. If we think of them as somehow separate from us or from ordinary people, it absolves each of us of the responsibility to see them for what they are and try to stop them.
None of that resolves the enormous pain of families and communities but hopefully we could help stop this from happening again and trying to be as brave as Ron Goldman.
I was Nicole Simpson, I will always be Nicole Simpson.
I married an abusive batterer when I was 21. The Doctor kept taking me off birth control pills because of “fainting issues” and I’d go to a different doctor to get more. Eventually we went to condoms. I was starting to see red flags, but he hadn’t touched me.……yet. Instead, sensing my distancing from him, trying to last until our lease was over, he sabotaged the condoms. I found that information out only 7 years ago from one of his friends, who he had confided in on his effort to trap me. So, a few months later, instead of the end of the lease, it was instead a wedding and the start of my torture. It was the early 80’s. It was what ‘nice girls did back then’.
The abuse didn’t start physically until after our son was born, 5 months after the marriage. After 2 years of beatings, broken bones, too many bruises and concussions to count, I left him and returned home, to my parents house and he returned to his parents house, 3 miles away. I hired a divorce attorney and started that arduous process. I showed up in court every time scheduled, armed with photos, police reports, hospital records, a letter from my OB/GYN who saw bruises. My husband would switch attorneys, not show up, not fill out the necessary paperwork, etc.
Eventually my attorney asked just for the divorce, no child support, no visitation schedule, just my freedom and my personal possessions. The Judge refused to give me a divorce. He proclaimed, “This sounds like a contested Divorce and I will not grant a Contested Divorce. My husband wasn’t even there to contest, another no show. This was before no fault divorce became a legal right. I had spent over $5,000.00 and still had to stay married to a proven abuser. Over the next few years, still living apart, but legally married, he quit drugs and seemed better. Again he got me pregnant. I moved back in with him in my 5th month of pregnancy, when I started showing. I was terrified. This time the beatings started within days, the pregnancy didn’t stop him. One time he doused me full of Charcoal Starter and just started flicking his Zippo lighter, while I stood ready to jump through a 2nd story glass sliding door. I left for good as my daughter was just crawling. I saw him throw my 4 1/2 y/o son across the room by his face. My son had climbed on his back trying to get him off of me, while his father was simultaneously chocking me and slamming my head on a concrete floor. When he let go of me, with 1 hand to get my son off his back, I was able to get out front m under him. I raced to the kitchen and grabbed the biggest butcher knives I had. I held it armed, above my head and I’ll never forget what I said next. I said, “You have fucked me up for years, you will Not Fuck Up My Kids”. I begged him to come at me one more time. I know without a doubt one of us would die. I think he got scared. I told our son to get his sister, my purse and keys and get in the bedroom. I backed up into the bedroom after the kids were safely in there. I knocked a dresser over, blocking the door. That gave me time to cut the screen and go out the window. We raced to the car with the clothes we were wearing. As I was pulling out of the driveway 4 or 5 police cars were arriving. Neighbors had heard my son screaming, “You’re killing my mommy” and called the police. He always ripped the phone out of the wall before the fights started. The cops blocked me in and wouldn’t let me leave. I didn’t know it at the time but my head was full of blood. There was blood outside on the car. It was everywhere. My kids and I escaped that day for good. We never spent another minute with him, ever.
After about 5 years, I did get a divorce, by Publication, an ad in the paper. I never got my clothes, my children’s things, only the contents of my purse and the clothes we had on.
I never got nor asked for Child Support. I knew he had no real interest in our kids, only in me. I knew that every penny he may give me, he would extract a pound of flesh. The money would never be worth my peace of mind or my kids stability and serenity. I had maps where every police station was in every suburb I drove through to work and back. We had Orders of Protection. He couldn’t legally come near any of us, but he’d follow us in his car. He’d park across the street from my apartment and just watch and wait. He’d always pull away as the police were a block away. That went on for years.
Eventually he found someone new and the stalking wasn’t as often, but I could never put my guard down. I moved 8 times in the next 5 years. Eventually, he started beating the new girl, causing permanent brain damage. He spent time in jail for that. Guess who was a Correctional Officer at that Jail, unbeknownst to him. My big sister. She worked nights. Every hour, every shift, she would unlock the section door to do her rounds, then kick it open, making the loudest bang that reverberated throughout the cell block. As she walked through she would say to all the prisoners, “Gentlemen, you have my ex-brother-in-law to thank for this interruption in your sleep. Every hour, every shift. He threatened to kill her when he got out. She rattled off her address and said, “Come get me. I’ve got guns and I can’t wait to use them”.
When this new girls trial was happening, all his family testified she was the problem, an alcoholic, yada yada. The DA called me. Would I be willing to testify for her.
I did, but never told them if I would or wouldn’t show up. I didn’t know myself until that morning. His public defender objected, and the Judge called for a 10 minute recess while he looked up the law on me testifying. After the recess, I was so visibly shaking the Judge asked 3 Bailiffs to stand between us, then said I could testify to any incidents that could be backed up by Police, Hospital or Doctors records, did I have anything relevant. Boy did I have relevant facts. After testifying about 20 minutes, the Judge interrupted me saying he had heard enough. He was sentenced to the maximum sentence, With No Time Served, meaning the 18 months or so that he sat in jail, awaiting his trial would Not Count or be applied to his sentence. My sister was able to get her nightly bit of revenge on my behalf for another few years. He wasn’t very popular among his cell block, needless to say.
He died in 2000. Family members saw the Obituary in the newspaper. I guess after getting out of Jail, he promptly left the state. He died 2,000 miles away. It really wasn’t the end for my children or me. I still have horrible nightmares, have been diagnosed with PTSD and will never ever get married again. Those 9 years were enough to last a lifetime for me. It’s been 4 decades now and I still can’t conceive even the thought of marrying again.
The GOP want to Repeal No Fault Divorce.
They want women to again live through what I was lucky enough to survive. They want women trapped in a marriage having babies.
I will fight that until my last breath in any way I can.
I’m sorry this is so long if anyone is still reading. Please please fight against any repeal of No Fault Divorce.
“That’s what it takes: the batterer has to be stopped. He will not stop himself. He has to be imprisoned, or killed, or she has to escape and hide, sometimes for the rest of her life, sometimes until he finds another woman to ‘love.’”
Kim Goldman also had an excellent podcast telling the truth about the real OJ Simpson and the victims of that murderer. Daniel Petrocelli’s book about the civil trial where he represented Fred Goldman is also a must read. Most people have no idea that ALL of the evidence was finally presented at that trial that proved that Simpson physically abused Nicole and murdered Nicole and Ron Goldman.
A lot of men are like this. They must feel in control and satisfy that through their actions. It is true - watch how a man acts around dogs, kids, and old people. If you think anything is strange in how they interact, don't question yourself why. Look for a man who is genuinely affectionate with animals, in particular.
I lived south of LA and had to live through the barrage to media coverage. I know that O.J. was the monster the defense painted him to be. He easily guilty. .Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman never had a chance for justice. The pop culture adoration of a wealthy good-looking BLACK award winning athlete with a dazzling smile who became a pretty good actor gave a golden ticket and a get out of jail card.
The news coverage of OJs violence and Nicole’s best efforts to get help from the inadequate legal and social service systems were reported through a foggy lens. It never felt like she had any standing in the case. The whole trial was a circus that seemed to whiz by the actual evidence of spousal abuse.
There was solid evidence including Nichole’s documenting each violent episode. There were also witnessed who knew the truth. But it’s the same “women are not believed” against a beloved celebrity. This case drew international attention. It was a big message that abused woman don’t matter so just keep hour mouth shut.
That message is reinforced daily by what happens every nook and cranny across the world. Man purchases gun illegally, because he had a restraining order against him. man convinces girlfriend to talk to him. Woman chooses to come out onto the front porch because she had her sleeping child inside. They talk briefly. She refuses to leave with him. He pulls out a gun and kills her.
No restraining order saved her, no thorough background gun check saved her and a judge denied her request to have the restraining order extended because he didn’t bother to actually listen to her.
We are in a all,encompassing living pandemic of disrespect, anger, violence misogynistic beliefs which probably started by early man. Passed from generation to generation until it runs smack dab into a generation of educated, politicized, outspoken,self-sufficient, fearless women who stand up and demanded the right to vote. Current generations have gained much in society except when you look at violence against from
1 of 4 women will die in their lifetime from domestic violence with an intimate partner. Domestic violence - primarily men against women, intimately related, typically starts with actions like slap on the face, shoving, simulating strangulation , and verbal promises of increased violence.
Next is the danger zone. Most extreme violence aand death occurs after the woman and children attempt ro leave. Oir social system
O.J is dead and as I believe he was greeted by those who went before him and that would be Nicole and Ron. I believe when he was greeted by his family, I’m sure it was a nice welcome, but for Nicole and Ron who did nothing wrong, I hope she got the opportunity to beat him as he beat her and Ron same thing only because he was just being kind in bringing glasses left at the restaurant. There isn’t anything that after O.J’s football career that to me seemed normal. He loved the fame, and needed that to go on, but he went from famous to infamous. For those that think the Las Vegas drama was pay back because he got away with the murder of 2 people, that’s not the case. Going with guns to take back property that he didn’t own any longer, and his posse thought they could steal them back, he was on trial and convicted on that crime only! But it showed how he thought that he could be above the law( sound familiar for someone now?) It’s sad if people think that murder at one point is the same crime as what happened in Vegas. His character was shown for who he really was his entire life. I do think that HE was his own worst enemy! Usually that can’t be changed! For all that he left behind, I think despite his life lived, no one should think the crimes of the father should be passed down to the kids. May you all here be blessed and have a long life and always remember the loss of this person. It’s very hard to lose someone like him, based on do you like him or dislike him. But either way the life he lived was his choice. I can’t judge, nor should anyone else.
My mother is Nicole Brown, murdered in her own home on November 24, 2018 while in the process of divorcing, one of the most dangerous times for women. My heart bleeds for Sydney and Justin who were raised by the male that murdered their mother.
I want to offer one gentle thought that isn't from me, but is from Gavin de Becker who was a consultant for the prosecution in the murder trial and an expert on violence and abuse: referring to someone like O.J. Simpson as a 'monster' can be counterproductive. He was just a man. When we think of a murderer and abuser (or anyone else) like they are a monster, it does at least two things: 1) ignores the fact that they aren't all powerful and that they can be stopped and 2) it ignores that fact that men/people like that are PEOPLE who walk among us every day. All of us not only know a Nicole Brown, we also know an O.J. Simpson who is abusing his partner day in and day out. If we think of them as somehow separate from us or from ordinary people, it absolves each of us of the responsibility to see them for what they are and try to stop them.
None of that resolves the enormous pain of families and communities but hopefully we could help stop this from happening again and trying to be as brave as Ron Goldman.
Thank you so much for speaking up for Nicole & Ron. They should be the ones remembered, not OJ.
I was Nicole Simpson, I will always be Nicole Simpson.
I married an abusive batterer when I was 21. The Doctor kept taking me off birth control pills because of “fainting issues” and I’d go to a different doctor to get more. Eventually we went to condoms. I was starting to see red flags, but he hadn’t touched me.……yet. Instead, sensing my distancing from him, trying to last until our lease was over, he sabotaged the condoms. I found that information out only 7 years ago from one of his friends, who he had confided in on his effort to trap me. So, a few months later, instead of the end of the lease, it was instead a wedding and the start of my torture. It was the early 80’s. It was what ‘nice girls did back then’.
The abuse didn’t start physically until after our son was born, 5 months after the marriage. After 2 years of beatings, broken bones, too many bruises and concussions to count, I left him and returned home, to my parents house and he returned to his parents house, 3 miles away. I hired a divorce attorney and started that arduous process. I showed up in court every time scheduled, armed with photos, police reports, hospital records, a letter from my OB/GYN who saw bruises. My husband would switch attorneys, not show up, not fill out the necessary paperwork, etc.
Eventually my attorney asked just for the divorce, no child support, no visitation schedule, just my freedom and my personal possessions. The Judge refused to give me a divorce. He proclaimed, “This sounds like a contested Divorce and I will not grant a Contested Divorce. My husband wasn’t even there to contest, another no show. This was before no fault divorce became a legal right. I had spent over $5,000.00 and still had to stay married to a proven abuser. Over the next few years, still living apart, but legally married, he quit drugs and seemed better. Again he got me pregnant. I moved back in with him in my 5th month of pregnancy, when I started showing. I was terrified. This time the beatings started within days, the pregnancy didn’t stop him. One time he doused me full of Charcoal Starter and just started flicking his Zippo lighter, while I stood ready to jump through a 2nd story glass sliding door. I left for good as my daughter was just crawling. I saw him throw my 4 1/2 y/o son across the room by his face. My son had climbed on his back trying to get him off of me, while his father was simultaneously chocking me and slamming my head on a concrete floor. When he let go of me, with 1 hand to get my son off his back, I was able to get out front m under him. I raced to the kitchen and grabbed the biggest butcher knives I had. I held it armed, above my head and I’ll never forget what I said next. I said, “You have fucked me up for years, you will Not Fuck Up My Kids”. I begged him to come at me one more time. I know without a doubt one of us would die. I think he got scared. I told our son to get his sister, my purse and keys and get in the bedroom. I backed up into the bedroom after the kids were safely in there. I knocked a dresser over, blocking the door. That gave me time to cut the screen and go out the window. We raced to the car with the clothes we were wearing. As I was pulling out of the driveway 4 or 5 police cars were arriving. Neighbors had heard my son screaming, “You’re killing my mommy” and called the police. He always ripped the phone out of the wall before the fights started. The cops blocked me in and wouldn’t let me leave. I didn’t know it at the time but my head was full of blood. There was blood outside on the car. It was everywhere. My kids and I escaped that day for good. We never spent another minute with him, ever.
After about 5 years, I did get a divorce, by Publication, an ad in the paper. I never got my clothes, my children’s things, only the contents of my purse and the clothes we had on.
I never got nor asked for Child Support. I knew he had no real interest in our kids, only in me. I knew that every penny he may give me, he would extract a pound of flesh. The money would never be worth my peace of mind or my kids stability and serenity. I had maps where every police station was in every suburb I drove through to work and back. We had Orders of Protection. He couldn’t legally come near any of us, but he’d follow us in his car. He’d park across the street from my apartment and just watch and wait. He’d always pull away as the police were a block away. That went on for years.
Eventually he found someone new and the stalking wasn’t as often, but I could never put my guard down. I moved 8 times in the next 5 years. Eventually, he started beating the new girl, causing permanent brain damage. He spent time in jail for that. Guess who was a Correctional Officer at that Jail, unbeknownst to him. My big sister. She worked nights. Every hour, every shift, she would unlock the section door to do her rounds, then kick it open, making the loudest bang that reverberated throughout the cell block. As she walked through she would say to all the prisoners, “Gentlemen, you have my ex-brother-in-law to thank for this interruption in your sleep. Every hour, every shift. He threatened to kill her when he got out. She rattled off her address and said, “Come get me. I’ve got guns and I can’t wait to use them”.
When this new girls trial was happening, all his family testified she was the problem, an alcoholic, yada yada. The DA called me. Would I be willing to testify for her.
I did, but never told them if I would or wouldn’t show up. I didn’t know myself until that morning. His public defender objected, and the Judge called for a 10 minute recess while he looked up the law on me testifying. After the recess, I was so visibly shaking the Judge asked 3 Bailiffs to stand between us, then said I could testify to any incidents that could be backed up by Police, Hospital or Doctors records, did I have anything relevant. Boy did I have relevant facts. After testifying about 20 minutes, the Judge interrupted me saying he had heard enough. He was sentenced to the maximum sentence, With No Time Served, meaning the 18 months or so that he sat in jail, awaiting his trial would Not Count or be applied to his sentence. My sister was able to get her nightly bit of revenge on my behalf for another few years. He wasn’t very popular among his cell block, needless to say.
He died in 2000. Family members saw the Obituary in the newspaper. I guess after getting out of Jail, he promptly left the state. He died 2,000 miles away. It really wasn’t the end for my children or me. I still have horrible nightmares, have been diagnosed with PTSD and will never ever get married again. Those 9 years were enough to last a lifetime for me. It’s been 4 decades now and I still can’t conceive even the thought of marrying again.
The GOP want to Repeal No Fault Divorce.
They want women to again live through what I was lucky enough to survive. They want women trapped in a marriage having babies.
I will fight that until my last breath in any way I can.
I’m sorry this is so long if anyone is still reading. Please please fight against any repeal of No Fault Divorce.
Lives will most certainly depend on it.
OJ’s obit should have been, “died, in prison.”
Yes she is the one who deserves the attention and Ron too. A murderer died, who should care?
“That’s what it takes: the batterer has to be stopped. He will not stop himself. He has to be imprisoned, or killed, or she has to escape and hide, sometimes for the rest of her life, sometimes until he finds another woman to ‘love.’”
That part. *shudder* thank you for this.
Rest in Peace Nicole.
Kim Goldman also had an excellent podcast telling the truth about the real OJ Simpson and the victims of that murderer. Daniel Petrocelli’s book about the civil trial where he represented Fred Goldman is also a must read. Most people have no idea that ALL of the evidence was finally presented at that trial that proved that Simpson physically abused Nicole and murdered Nicole and Ron Goldman.
Lest we forget…. One of the first things the Trump
Administration did was neuter the definitions of violence against women in the justice dept making it much more difficult to prosecute.
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/trump-domestic-abuse-sexual-assault-definition-womens-rights-justice-department-a8744546.html
A lot of men are like this. They must feel in control and satisfy that through their actions. It is true - watch how a man acts around dogs, kids, and old people. If you think anything is strange in how they interact, don't question yourself why. Look for a man who is genuinely affectionate with animals, in particular.
I lived this story, I survived with my life, scarred. So many don’t.
From my experience, decades of education and training hasn’t changed the outcome.
It is luck and cunning that helps us escape
I lived south of LA and had to live through the barrage to media coverage. I know that O.J. was the monster the defense painted him to be. He easily guilty. .Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman never had a chance for justice. The pop culture adoration of a wealthy good-looking BLACK award winning athlete with a dazzling smile who became a pretty good actor gave a golden ticket and a get out of jail card.
The news coverage of OJs violence and Nicole’s best efforts to get help from the inadequate legal and social service systems were reported through a foggy lens. It never felt like she had any standing in the case. The whole trial was a circus that seemed to whiz by the actual evidence of spousal abuse.
There was solid evidence including Nichole’s documenting each violent episode. There were also witnessed who knew the truth. But it’s the same “women are not believed” against a beloved celebrity. This case drew international attention. It was a big message that abused woman don’t matter so just keep hour mouth shut.
That message is reinforced daily by what happens every nook and cranny across the world. Man purchases gun illegally, because he had a restraining order against him. man convinces girlfriend to talk to him. Woman chooses to come out onto the front porch because she had her sleeping child inside. They talk briefly. She refuses to leave with him. He pulls out a gun and kills her.
No restraining order saved her, no thorough background gun check saved her and a judge denied her request to have the restraining order extended because he didn’t bother to actually listen to her.
We are in a all,encompassing living pandemic of disrespect, anger, violence misogynistic beliefs which probably started by early man. Passed from generation to generation until it runs smack dab into a generation of educated, politicized, outspoken,self-sufficient, fearless women who stand up and demanded the right to vote. Current generations have gained much in society except when you look at violence against from
1 of 4 women will die in their lifetime from domestic violence with an intimate partner. Domestic violence - primarily men against women, intimately related, typically starts with actions like slap on the face, shoving, simulating strangulation , and verbal promises of increased violence.
Next is the danger zone. Most extreme violence aand death occurs after the woman and children attempt ro leave. Oir social system
O.J is dead and as I believe he was greeted by those who went before him and that would be Nicole and Ron. I believe when he was greeted by his family, I’m sure it was a nice welcome, but for Nicole and Ron who did nothing wrong, I hope she got the opportunity to beat him as he beat her and Ron same thing only because he was just being kind in bringing glasses left at the restaurant. There isn’t anything that after O.J’s football career that to me seemed normal. He loved the fame, and needed that to go on, but he went from famous to infamous. For those that think the Las Vegas drama was pay back because he got away with the murder of 2 people, that’s not the case. Going with guns to take back property that he didn’t own any longer, and his posse thought they could steal them back, he was on trial and convicted on that crime only! But it showed how he thought that he could be above the law( sound familiar for someone now?) It’s sad if people think that murder at one point is the same crime as what happened in Vegas. His character was shown for who he really was his entire life. I do think that HE was his own worst enemy! Usually that can’t be changed! For all that he left behind, I think despite his life lived, no one should think the crimes of the father should be passed down to the kids. May you all here be blessed and have a long life and always remember the loss of this person. It’s very hard to lose someone like him, based on do you like him or dislike him. But either way the life he lived was his choice. I can’t judge, nor should anyone else.